Tag Archives: Surrender

Give Me an Undivided Heart

Standard

Teach me your way, O LORD, and I will walk in your truth; give me an undivided heart, that I may fear your name.

Psalm 86:11

I cannot sleep tonight.  Honestly, I don’t sleep very well most nights.  My mind tends to run over the events of the day over and over again.  Sometimes my thoughts are stressful, while other times I am just so excited I cannot stop thinking.

Tonight, however, I think I’m awake because I need to reconnect with the One who holds my heart, Jesus Christ.  So I’ve turned on some of my favorite worship songs and opened up  my blog to pour out my heart.

If you’ve ever read my about page you know that this blog is a compilation of my journey with the Lord and my struggle to surrender everything to Him.  Maybe you’ve seen that pattern in my posts.  I write this blog to remember what He is doing in my life.  I read it when I need a reminder or want to remember what He has done.

Lately, I have found it hard to spend quality time with Him.  Maybe you’ve been there sometimes.  Maybe devos are easy for you.  For me, they have always been a struggle to consistently maintain.  But this week, I have felt their absence.  Tonight I felt desperate for just a taste of His word and to draw closer to Him.

But the thing is, I don’t want to keep waiting until I am desperate after a few days of no devos to spend time with Him and pour over His word.  Every day that I didn’t spend time with Him this week, I was very aware of, but I still chose not to spend quality time with God.  The days that I did spend time in His Word, I felt so refreshed.

It seems like such a no-brainer right?  Why would I chose the things that don’t satisfy over spending time with God?

A lot of reasons.  A lot of really selfish reasons that when they are put all together really don’t amount to much of anything.  A lot of reasons that end up giving me a divided heart between this world and the Lord.

Today was one of those days where so many different thoughts and emotions ran through my head.  But of all the things that happened today, all I really want to remember about it when I read this blog in the future is Jesus.

How desperately I need Him every day.  How incredibly important it is to spend time with Him.  How alive and peaceful and right everything seems when I am in His presence.

You know a lot of people and experiences are going to come and go in this life.  There will probably be a lot of days in the future like today that are busy, challenging, and wonderful.  But at the end of the day, and at the end of this life only One will remain, Jesus.

And tonight I am clinging to Him.  I am clinging to Him because I need His help every day.  I am clinging to Him because He knows be better than anyone on this earth.  I am clinging to Him because He is the only One who can save me.  I am clinging to Him because He is fun to spend time with.  I am clinging to Him because I love Him and His love for me is overwhelming.

Recently, I have been listening incessantly to “The More I Seek You” by Kari Jobe.  There are a few lines in the song that say…

I want to sit at Your feet

Drink from the cup in Your hand

Lay back against You and breathe

Feel Your heartbeat

This love is so deep

It’s more than I can stand

I melt in Your peace

It’s overwhelming.

That’s my prayer tonight.  I want to sit at His feet.  Daily.  Hour by hour.  Minute by minute.

Dear Jesus,

I need you.  My heart is so divided so often.  Forgive me for the many things I have chosen instead of You.  Lord, I want an undivided heart. I want to walk in Your truth.  I want to fear Your name.  Please teach me Your way, and guard me from my own.  It’s early on a Sunday morning.  I’ll be starting a new day and week in a few hours.  There are a lot of different thoughts swirling around in my mind.  I surrender them to You.  I trust You with my day.  I trust You with my future.

I love You, Jesus.

In Your name, Amen.

Advertisements

I’m Uncomfortable

Standard

But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ—the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith. ~Philippians 3:7-9

I woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning.  My alarm went off early, and the day seemed to be starting off well.  However, then I turned it off and woke up a good hour after my day was supposed to begin.

I felt irritable and it bothered me.  I am not typically one to be grumpy in the mornings, and I usually look forward to whatever the day has to offer.  But today, everything seemed like it was gearing up to be particularly ugly.

I decided to continue my morning routine in a quicker manner than usual, ate breakfast, worked on homework and trudged to chapel. When I walked up the stairs, I was feeling frustrated and confused about why I was even feeling that way.

The music started and I couldn’t even sing by the end, I knew I was so off in my spirit.  And then the sermon rolled in.  The speaker today talked about being able to hear the voice of God.

Funny, I thought to myself.  This speaker is talking about the exact topic of my current Bible study.  Right now, I am working through the book Experiencing God by Henry Blackaby.  The tagline for the study is “Knowing and Doing the Will of God.”  Basically, the study challenges its reader to learn how to hear God speak, and do what He says, the exact topic of today’s sermon.

Feeling convicted, I listened a little harder to what he had to say.  And I started to ask myself…why am I so irritated?  What in the world could possibly be bothering me?

And what came to my mind was a whole list of petty problems that were all rooted in a deep sense of security in the things of this world.  When I worry, scheme, and plan my life around the things of this world, I am always frustrated.  But they sneak in so quietly and subtly that I often do not realize they are there.

In doing this study, I am realizing that getting closer to God, hearing His voice, and knowing and doing His will, is going to require some sacrifice.  It’s going to require me to sever my ties with this world.  And if I am completely honest with you, I’m uncomfortable.

I’m uncomfortable because for too long I have found comfort in the things of the world that will never satisfy.  I have looked for meaning in my work, my activities, my relationships, money, my family–anywhere but the One Who has blessed me with these.

Drawing closer to Him, means letting my deeply-rooted ties to this world go.  And there are some deep roots. It is uncomfortable to think of what I will have to “lose” to draw closer to God.

The passage at the top from Philippians lays it out clearly for me.  “I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things…” 

As I sat in that chapel and continued on through my day, I have been asking myself “Do I really consider everything a loss compared to knowing Christ?  Everything this world has to offer me?

I’m discovering some deep ties to areas in my life that were never guaranteed to last, and certainly should not cause me to be upset at the slightest threat that they may be taken away.

And as I am growing closer to God, I am realizing that the life He offers me is so much fuller, sweeter, and simpler than what I can do on my own.

It’s uncomfortable.  But so incredibly worth it.