Teach me your way, O LORD, and I will walk in your truth; give me an undivided heart, that I may fear your name.
I cannot sleep tonight. Honestly, I don’t sleep very well most nights. My mind tends to run over the events of the day over and over again. Sometimes my thoughts are stressful, while other times I am just so excited I cannot stop thinking.
Tonight, however, I think I’m awake because I need to reconnect with the One who holds my heart, Jesus Christ. So I’ve turned on some of my favorite worship songs and opened up my blog to pour out my heart.
If you’ve ever read my about page you know that this blog is a compilation of my journey with the Lord and my struggle to surrender everything to Him. Maybe you’ve seen that pattern in my posts. I write this blog to remember what He is doing in my life. I read it when I need a reminder or want to remember what He has done.
Lately, I have found it hard to spend quality time with Him. Maybe you’ve been there sometimes. Maybe devos are easy for you. For me, they have always been a struggle to consistently maintain. But this week, I have felt their absence. Tonight I felt desperate for just a taste of His word and to draw closer to Him.
But the thing is, I don’t want to keep waiting until I am desperate after a few days of no devos to spend time with Him and pour over His word. Every day that I didn’t spend time with Him this week, I was very aware of, but I still chose not to spend quality time with God. The days that I did spend time in His Word, I felt so refreshed.
It seems like such a no-brainer right? Why would I chose the things that don’t satisfy over spending time with God?
A lot of reasons. A lot of really selfish reasons that when they are put all together really don’t amount to much of anything. A lot of reasons that end up giving me a divided heart between this world and the Lord.
Today was one of those days where so many different thoughts and emotions ran through my head. But of all the things that happened today, all I really want to remember about it when I read this blog in the future is Jesus.
How desperately I need Him every day. How incredibly important it is to spend time with Him. How alive and peaceful and right everything seems when I am in His presence.
You know a lot of people and experiences are going to come and go in this life. There will probably be a lot of days in the future like today that are busy, challenging, and wonderful. But at the end of the day, and at the end of this life only One will remain, Jesus.
And tonight I am clinging to Him. I am clinging to Him because I need His help every day. I am clinging to Him because He knows be better than anyone on this earth. I am clinging to Him because He is the only One who can save me. I am clinging to Him because He is fun to spend time with. I am clinging to Him because I love Him and His love for me is overwhelming.
Recently, I have been listening incessantly to “The More I Seek You” by Kari Jobe. There are a few lines in the song that say…
I want to sit at Your feet
Drink from the cup in Your hand
Lay back against You and breathe
Feel Your heartbeat
This love is so deep
It’s more than I can stand
I melt in Your peace
That’s my prayer tonight. I want to sit at His feet. Daily. Hour by hour. Minute by minute.
I need you. My heart is so divided so often. Forgive me for the many things I have chosen instead of You. Lord, I want an undivided heart. I want to walk in Your truth. I want to fear Your name. Please teach me Your way, and guard me from my own. It’s early on a Sunday morning. I’ll be starting a new day and week in a few hours. There are a lot of different thoughts swirling around in my mind. I surrender them to You. I trust You with my day. I trust You with my future.
I love You, Jesus.
In Your name, Amen.